James and Harry Pull One Over on Sirius
by lazybum89
Summary: One-shot! James tells all the Gryffindors about the time he and Harry get one over on Sirius while at a Muggle grocery store!


**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing! Though I wish I did… How amazing would that be? It's all J.K. Rowling's though.

**A/N:** This one-shot is a tag for UMP1 and UMP2. It is also for **V.L. Crawford** for being the 100th reviewer on UMP1!

* * *

><p>As soon as Sirius left the table with Regulus, James said, "Now that Sirius is gone, I'll tell you about the time Sirius was our house, although he's at our house every day, Harry, and you performed some magnificent accidental magic that made your mum kick us out of the house to go for groceries while she cleaned up since she is better in Charms."<p>

Remus and Lily both looked at James curiously as did everyone at the Gryffindor table. No one had heard this story and as Harry was too young to remember, clearly, he couldn't have told anyone either. Harry looked at his dad with a look that was mixture between curiosity and excitement at hearing one of his stories.

James opened his mouth and started to tell his story that captured every Gryffindor's attention.

* * *

><p>"<em>Get out of here James and Sirius! And take Harry with you! I have to clean this up since I know you won't," said Lily, a cross between angry, exasperated and proud. What Harry just did was pretty spectacular. <em>

"_And where are we suppose to go?" asked Sirius who had a lily pad on his head which he removed and placed in the water._

_Harry had been listening to him tell a story about the lake at Hogwarts and had tried to recreate it in his mind apparently, but he had transformed the living room into a pretty big lake instead with lily pads and seaweed everywhere. Though the lily pads and seaweed were from James and Sirius respectively, it was still impressive that Harry managed to turn the whole living room into a mini-lake when he was only thirteen-months-old. Harry was currently in James's arms and splashing the water at Sirius who was gently splashing him back and making him laugh._

"_Go buy some groceries for dinner from the Muggle store two streets down!" said Lily, looking at James and Sirius as if daring them to argue with her. _

"_Okay, okay. We'll go," said James, first picking Harry out of the water to get him to stop splashing, which caused him to pout, and drying his clothes. Then he grabbed one of Harry's light Muggle jackets as it was a bit windy out and put it over top of his pajamas. They after all, had been having a lazy day, but only Harry got to stay in his pajamas. Lily shook her head at what her husband had just done but she didn't stop him or make him change Harry's clothes. She took Harry from James and gave him a hug before giving him back to James and shooed him and Sirius out of her living room, whipping out her wand and starting to mutter possible countercharms._

"_Let's go," said James to Sirius and they both walked out the back door. Sirius muttered a drying charm for both him and James and they headed down the street._

"_Did Lily say what she wanted for dinner?" asked Sirius, suddenly a street away from the house._

"_Crap! No she didn't," said James. He thought for a moment and then said, "As long as it is relatively healthy, she won't complain much."_

"_And you've got Muggle money?" asked Sirius while nodding his head to what James just said._

"_Yeah, I always carry it with me along with some wizard money now ever since that one time," said James._

_Sirius nodded his head again, understanding what James was talking about, that had been a little embarrassing, and they continued their walk in silence as they walked to the store, Harry's head resting on James's shoulder looking at everything outside as if he had never been outside before._

'_Which he hasn't been all that much,' thought James sadly while cursing the stupid war that had been going on for a while now. _

_They reached the store a moment later and James put Harry in the shopping trolley and they proceeded to shop with Harry helping them by grabbing the cookies when they made the first stop down the snack aisle which they realized was a mistake._

"_No, Harry," said James for the tenth time as Harry tried to put the chocolate chip cookies in their trolley. Harry pouted, crossed his arms and looked at his father with teary eyes, which made James feel like absolute dirt, but Lily had made cookies at home with their names on them. He did the only logical thing to do which was to look away from his son's tearing eyes, but keeping on eye on his hands, and continued to push his trolley along the aisle and started to turn to go into the next one, not putting anything in their trolley. Sirius laughed behind James's back at his misfortune of telling Harry 'no' while they started down the pasta aisle. _

_The reason why James started to head down the pasta aisle? Well, after the stunt that Harry did with James and Sirius helping and not fixing and the subsequent trip to the store with Harry, Lily would want to have some quality 'Harry Time' when it was just the two of them, and so James and Sirius would be sent to the kitchen to fix dinner, and spaghetti and salad were the only two things that James and Sirius could cook without the use of magic that was even remotely edible._

_Sirius glanced over at the fresh vegetable section of the store, which was visible from the beginning of the aisle, and then looked back in the aisle trying to see how far James had got to but then he did a double take. There was beautiful girl there and, Sirius glanced at her hands, no wedding ring. He was in luck and he knew just what he was going to do._

"_James, wait," said Sirius quietly and James looked at him confused as he turned to face Sirius who was still standing at the beginning of the aisle looking at the fresh vegetable section._

"_What, Sirius?" asked James heading back to Sirius so they could keep their conversation relatively quiet. Then he looked at what Sirius was looking at and just shook his head before saying, "Just go."_

"_But I want to borrow Harry," said Sirius, not even looking at his godson to see if he would consent to go with him._

_That didn't make James want to give Harry to Sirius, but then he got a wicked idea and he looked at Harry, who didn't like to be ignored by his favorite 'uncle' and he was already pouting because of the lack of chocolate chip cookies in the trolley. _

_Harry, still pouting, looked at his dad and recognized the look on his dad's face. His dad wanted him to pick on Sirius, he could tell by the look his dad was shooting him, which his dad had been practicing with him to know what it meant. His dad had told him he was a brilliant baby when they first pulled it off just the other day on mumma. He shot his dad his baby grin which made James grin even more, though on the inside he was grinning stupidly at the grin on his baby's face. It was just so darn cute! They nodded at each other._

"_Sure Sirius, but you are going to have to actually look this way to pick him up," said James drily._

"_Right," Sirius took his eyes off the red-headed beauty. James was right. They did have their appeals, sometimes, as Sirius took another glance at her other… attributes. He walked over to Harry and said, "You think if I manage to get her – what was it called again – telephone number," James nodded at the correct terminology from their Muggle Studies days, "that Lily would let me use the one in your house to call her?"_

"_She was mad at you the last time you ran up her telephone bill," James reminded him. "But I think if you didn't talk for seven hours straight a day for two weeks that you can."_

"_Great," said Sirius picking Harry up and walking hurriedly away. James just shook his head, but he quickly got what he wanted from the aisle and then stood back and watched the show that was about to happen until he chose the right time to interrupt._

_Sirius was holding Harry as he left the trolley with James and went to walk by the red-headed beauty and 'accidentally' bumped into her but almost, really dropped Harry, which Harry found extremely annoying as did James who had looked just as Sirius juggled Harry._

"_Oh, I'm so sorry," said the red-headed woman, who looked to be in her late teens or early twenties, sounding apologetic._

"_Oh, no I'm sorry. I wasn't watching were I was going," said Sirius, adjusting Harry who let out an unpleased sound which caused the woman to look at him and her face softened at Harry's disgruntled look._

"_I'm sorry to you as well," said the woman, who now looked extremely apologetic._

"_It's all right, your fine, aren't you, Harry?" asked Sirius._

_Harry, as he was a brilliant baby, his mumma said so too, knew he could start to put in his dad's plan into motion, plus he was feeling tired, laid his head down on Sirius's shoulder and said, "Yes, Pa." He was feeling too tired to say Padfoot and he wasn't suppose to call Sirius that in public as it drew unwanted attention. He then stuck his thumb in his mouth and finger in his nose._

_The woman melted even more at that, but then deflated and said, "He looks like you with that black hair, but I suppose the messiness comes from his mother?"_

_Sirius who knew she was digging and not thinking about this part said, "Oh, I'm not married to his mother. I'm not even sure where she is." _

_Harry wasn't paying any attention to the conversation at this point as he was looking around for his dad. He found his dad a moment later and watched him, before Harry got what his dad was trying to tell him and Harry nodded his little head at his dad._

_Sirius and the woman, who's name was Lucy, but she preferred Ginger because of her hair, were in the middle of their conversation when Harry interrupted and pointed at Ginger's chest and said, "Pa? What those? Where yours?"_

_Ginger blushed and crossed her arms over her chest in a self-conscious movement while Sirius blushed and couldn't respond._

_Harry, not liking be ignored, poked Sirius's chest and repeated, "Where yours?"_

"_Mine are smaller, Harry," replied Sirius, still blushing and looking mortified, but now Ginger was grinning slightly._

_Harry just looked confused and proceeded to embarrass Sirius further by sticking his finger up Sirius's nose and started to pick._

_Sirius was now a tomato red and extremely mortified by what Harry was doing while Ginger, while amused, was looking slightly grossed out. Sirius tried to get Harry to stop but Harry had struck gold and pulled his finger and 'it' out. _

_Sirius and Ginger looked at 'it' with a morbid fascination before Harry, not knowing why they were looking at 'it' so hard, stuck his finger with 'it' on it close to Sirius's mouth and said, "Eat it." After all, that's what he did with his own when his parents weren't watching._

_Sirius quickly closed his mouth tightly and shook his head, quite strongly, while Ginger's face still looked like she was grossed out. James, however, was laughing hysterically and mentally congratulating his brilliant baby who was a mini-Marauder in the making. This was going better than he thought! And he had an idea that would embarrass Sirius even further._

_Harry, who was confused as his father had said Sirius would do anything he asked and was up for anything, jab the 'gold' he had found and his finger in Sirius's mouth and said, "Eat it. No spit." Harry pulled his finger out and then put his hand over Sirius's mouth, with magic aiding him so Sirius couldn't move his head and Sirius, who could no longer look at Ginger, swallowed it._

_Ginger, who didn't know how to feel about this, just stood there shocked and grossed out._

_James, finally decided to join in on the fun, he started to walk over to them and when he was close enough, Harry called out, "Dada!"_

"_Heya Harry. Hey Stud muffin," said James wrapping the arm he wasn't using pushing the trolley around Sirius and James watched as Sirius's faced turned even redder, something he didn't think was possible, especially since Sirius never blushes. That snapped Ginger out of her shock and she looked at them._

"_Who's your friend, cupcake?" James asked Sirius, but he couldn't answer. _

"_I'm Lucy, but all my friends call me Ginger," said Ginger._

"_Ginger it is! I'm James," replied James._

"_Nice to meet you. I've got to get going though. It was nice meeting all of you," said Ginger and she escaped quickly after that and went down a random aisle. _

_But before she was out of earshot, she heard, "Come on Stud muffin, let's pick out what we want in the salad." _

* * *

><p>Everyone was howling in laughter by the end of the tale and that laughter went on for a good five minutes before the door opened that Sirius and Regulus disappeared into. James hurriedly made a shushing noise and gesturing at everyone to get them to stop laughing. He only had about a half of the table succeed as Sirius and Regulus headed back over to the table.<p> 


End file.
